Thursday, August 31, 2006
Puzzled of Tunbridge Wells
What is up with Amazon.When you log on you get their "recomendations" O.K.fine.
So i log on today and apparentley I can't wait to watch "King Kong" and listen to Frank Zappa and the Wurzels while reading the Da Vinci code.
Wrong ! In fact could they be MORE wrong.
THE WURZELS for f*****s sake I knowI livein the boondocks but funnily enough we don't all wear smocks and straw hats and burn people in big wicker basckets (heh heh).
Well not ALL the time,and we certainly DON'T all listen to the Wurzels.
Sheesh.
So i log on today and apparentley I can't wait to watch "King Kong" and listen to Frank Zappa and the Wurzels while reading the Da Vinci code.
Wrong ! In fact could they be MORE wrong.
THE WURZELS for f*****s sake I knowI livein the boondocks but funnily enough we don't all wear smocks and straw hats and burn people in big wicker basckets (heh heh).
Well not ALL the time,and we certainly DON'T all listen to the Wurzels.
Sheesh.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Petty annoyances
Sigh.Why do "they" insist on fiddling with websites that are functioning perfectly well ?
My online grocery store has "improved" their site and guess what ?
It doesn't work properly.
Lots of pretty pictures and animations but it DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY.So I,the customer,have to spend twice as long placing my order as usual.
Do they employ specially trained idiots to look at the site and say "Hmm,seems to be working O.K.better fix THAT".
Why can't they just leave well alone.It worked,now it doesn't.
I don't call that "improved"
Bah.
My online grocery store has "improved" their site and guess what ?
It doesn't work properly.
Lots of pretty pictures and animations but it DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY.So I,the customer,have to spend twice as long placing my order as usual.
Do they employ specially trained idiots to look at the site and say "Hmm,seems to be working O.K.better fix THAT".
Why can't they just leave well alone.It worked,now it doesn't.
I don't call that "improved"
Bah.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Angst
It's that time of year when I want to BUY something.Having saved my pennies since Christmas I have a little spare cash.
Trouble is I feel so guilty as Mrs Takora is the breadwinner.
How can I justify buying ,say,a new guitar for hundreds of pounds when she works so hard.
Best suggestion I ever read was buy them in the same colour.Most gals won't notice how many you have.
Well I screwed up there.My guitars are all different from the pink paisley tele to the silver gretsch.
I suppose I should be grateful for what I have.
Plus I recently won a new delay pedal from guitar magazine so it's not like I don't have a new toy to play with.
Perhaps I should save my money for a rainy day.
Sigh.
Trouble is I feel so guilty as Mrs Takora is the breadwinner.
How can I justify buying ,say,a new guitar for hundreds of pounds when she works so hard.
Best suggestion I ever read was buy them in the same colour.Most gals won't notice how many you have.
Well I screwed up there.My guitars are all different from the pink paisley tele to the silver gretsch.
I suppose I should be grateful for what I have.
Plus I recently won a new delay pedal from guitar magazine so it's not like I don't have a new toy to play with.
Perhaps I should save my money for a rainy day.
Sigh.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Bath time
Stopped on the way back from mum's to visit one of "England's premier tourist attractions" a "Safari park" cum statley home place.
Now I am not fond of these type of places at the best of times but,MY GOD,was it busy (should have known better at bank holliday time).Couldn't even get into the Safari park bit (though to their credit the ticket is valid till November) so had to mooch around the tatty stalls and overpriced eateries with thousands of "the great unwashed".
One of the new "attractions" was a bat centred mine type things with free range Egyptian fruit bats.Queques weren't too bad so I too Apricot to this one.WELL,I can tell you mister aristocratic theme park owner,that 1 tarantula,half a dozen cockroaches and a few fruit bats does NOT make an "ATTRACTion" at best it was a DIVERSion.
We do this sort of thing so badly here.Cheap and nasty attractions,grumpy unsmiling staff and THE COST.My word over £50 for 2 adults and 1 child.
Tatty,cheap,smelly and overpriced.
Welcome to Britain folks,leave your wallets at the gate and come on in.
Now I am not fond of these type of places at the best of times but,MY GOD,was it busy (should have known better at bank holliday time).Couldn't even get into the Safari park bit (though to their credit the ticket is valid till November) so had to mooch around the tatty stalls and overpriced eateries with thousands of "the great unwashed".
One of the new "attractions" was a bat centred mine type things with free range Egyptian fruit bats.Queques weren't too bad so I too Apricot to this one.WELL,I can tell you mister aristocratic theme park owner,that 1 tarantula,half a dozen cockroaches and a few fruit bats does NOT make an "ATTRACTion" at best it was a DIVERSion.
We do this sort of thing so badly here.Cheap and nasty attractions,grumpy unsmiling staff and THE COST.My word over £50 for 2 adults and 1 child.
Tatty,cheap,smelly and overpriced.
Welcome to Britain folks,leave your wallets at the gate and come on in.
This side of the poo
Been on my travels again (taking Ma back home).One of the "benefits" of staying at mum's is that I have to sleep downsairs on a sofa-bed so that the dog (L'il pup,a Jack Russell terrorist) doesn't howl all night.
Well this time,for a special treat,pup decided to do a poop right outside the door.This meant that when I woke up for a pee at 4 a.m. I had the pleasure of treading in cold dog poo in bare feet.
So I am there,in the dark,hopping on one foot wondering what to do when,SPLOT,Yup,another pile.In goes the other foot.Now both feet are besmirched so I do the "heel walk" to the kitchen for some paper towels.Well my mum is notoriously stingy,for example when offered "a biscuit" with you tea that is EXACTLY what you will get,1 biscuit and no more.
Anyway, there was only about 3 sheets of paper on the roll,just enough to scrape the worst off.Then I have to balance one foot over the sink and rinse doggy pop off my feet with my bare hands.UGH.
All at 4 a.m.
No wonder I hate to travel.
Well this time,for a special treat,pup decided to do a poop right outside the door.This meant that when I woke up for a pee at 4 a.m. I had the pleasure of treading in cold dog poo in bare feet.
So I am there,in the dark,hopping on one foot wondering what to do when,SPLOT,Yup,another pile.In goes the other foot.Now both feet are besmirched so I do the "heel walk" to the kitchen for some paper towels.Well my mum is notoriously stingy,for example when offered "a biscuit" with you tea that is EXACTLY what you will get,1 biscuit and no more.
Anyway, there was only about 3 sheets of paper on the roll,just enough to scrape the worst off.Then I have to balance one foot over the sink and rinse doggy pop off my feet with my bare hands.UGH.
All at 4 a.m.
No wonder I hate to travel.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Maybe I should call this blog "Chronicles of Bannalia" but anyway.
To keep little Apricot busy today we deicded to visit Gloucester cathedral as it's not too far away.
Well,what a fantastic building,dating from 1080 and containing the tomd of Edward II as well as many other interesting and ancient things.
What was really cool is that there are several "Green Man" carvings .Funny to see what was probably a Pagan symbol carved so blatantly in a church.I wonder if the masons were having a bit of fun there.
Also there is a magnificent stained glass window dating from the 14th century.One panel apprear to show a little dude playing GOLF.The earliest depiction of the game.Although apparentley it is more likely to be "Bandy ball" which was like a violent hockey/golf hybrid.
We should bring violence back to golf tournaments I think.A quick whack with a 9 Iron would liven things up considerably.
The cathedrals of England are one of our great treasures.Makes me proud of my ancestors.
To keep little Apricot busy today we deicded to visit Gloucester cathedral as it's not too far away.
Well,what a fantastic building,dating from 1080 and containing the tomd of Edward II as well as many other interesting and ancient things.
What was really cool is that there are several "Green Man" carvings .Funny to see what was probably a Pagan symbol carved so blatantly in a church.I wonder if the masons were having a bit of fun there.
Also there is a magnificent stained glass window dating from the 14th century.One panel apprear to show a little dude playing GOLF.The earliest depiction of the game.Although apparentley it is more likely to be "Bandy ball" which was like a violent hockey/golf hybrid.
We should bring violence back to golf tournaments I think.A quick whack with a 9 Iron would liven things up considerably.
The cathedrals of England are one of our great treasures.Makes me proud of my ancestors.
Mamma Mia
I see today is the anniversary of the destruction of Pompeii.
I have been there a couple of times (no,not when it was still thriving,I am not THAT old).
The first time gave me the experience of the WORST meal I ever ate.This was in about 1980 and the little resturant there was suspiciously empty when me and my pal went in but we were desperatley hungry so ordered,in our very basic Italian the meal of the day.
What we got was indescribable,stringy (diog?) meat,stewed to death pasta and worst of all a side portion of GRASS.I kid you not,I have never seen not eaten anything more grass like in my life (yes,I ate it.I was THAT hungry).
I swear the waiters were laughing as we tucked in .
Later on we visited the brothels and saw a little puppy in a ancient street drain.So the trip wasn't entirely wasted.
I have been there a couple of times (no,not when it was still thriving,I am not THAT old).
The first time gave me the experience of the WORST meal I ever ate.This was in about 1980 and the little resturant there was suspiciously empty when me and my pal went in but we were desperatley hungry so ordered,in our very basic Italian the meal of the day.
What we got was indescribable,stringy (diog?) meat,stewed to death pasta and worst of all a side portion of GRASS.I kid you not,I have never seen not eaten anything more grass like in my life (yes,I ate it.I was THAT hungry).
I swear the waiters were laughing as we tucked in .
Later on we visited the brothels and saw a little puppy in a ancient street drain.So the trip wasn't entirely wasted.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
More Tragic Clothes Tales
The only person to top my trousers was my best friend.
While at collge (this was around 1975) he purchased a pair of snowboots (God knows why ,it hardly ever snows in our part of the world).Now these suckers were ENORMOUS,he had farly bit feet anyway but add these on and he looked like he was standing in two buckets.
As if that wasn't bad enough for some weird reason he decided to cover them in white fake fur ! Thereby making them twice as big again.
Cars would literaly stop in the street as the drivers were unable to drive for laughter when they saw him walking down the street in them.People would point and stare,kids would scream and on at least 2 occasions guys walked into lamposts as they turned their heads to marvel at "Bigfoot of Suburbia"
Happy days.
If you ever read reports of Sasquatch in Surrey from the 1970's you know who to blame.
While at collge (this was around 1975) he purchased a pair of snowboots (God knows why ,it hardly ever snows in our part of the world).Now these suckers were ENORMOUS,he had farly bit feet anyway but add these on and he looked like he was standing in two buckets.
As if that wasn't bad enough for some weird reason he decided to cover them in white fake fur ! Thereby making them twice as big again.
Cars would literaly stop in the street as the drivers were unable to drive for laughter when they saw him walking down the street in them.People would point and stare,kids would scream and on at least 2 occasions guys walked into lamposts as they turned their heads to marvel at "Bigfoot of Suburbia"
Happy days.
If you ever read reports of Sasquatch in Surrey from the 1970's you know who to blame.
Another "string to my bow" is developing my new comic book as per this idea I spawned on "Rotten"....
Just time to let all my adoring fans know I am working seriously hardly on my comic action book "The Fruit League of America" So far the characters are
1.El Limone (Saving the world with ZEST)
2.K-57 (Equipped with utility floppity hat and levitational "mules"
3.Lady Melons (self expanatory really,Hey I'm an old guy,got to have some "eye candy")
4.Tommy Toe (Fruit or veg,you decide ?)
5.Zucchine (often overlooked but laser powers asthonish) Now it is difficult for me,as a limey (HEY)
6.The Limey (Tart yet firm,a real fruits fruit) Where was I, Oh yeah, as a limey to understand American style comics,we in England have something called "A BOOK" is like a comic but with less pictures and more words. I bet you all can't wait.
I think this could be a winner.Hope no one rips my idea off.
Just time to let all my adoring fans know I am working seriously hardly on my comic action book "The Fruit League of America" So far the characters are
1.El Limone (Saving the world with ZEST)
2.K-57 (Equipped with utility floppity hat and levitational "mules"
3.Lady Melons (self expanatory really,Hey I'm an old guy,got to have some "eye candy")
4.Tommy Toe (Fruit or veg,you decide ?)
5.Zucchine (often overlooked but laser powers asthonish) Now it is difficult for me,as a limey (HEY)
6.The Limey (Tart yet firm,a real fruits fruit) Where was I, Oh yeah, as a limey to understand American style comics,we in England have something called "A BOOK" is like a comic but with less pictures and more words. I bet you all can't wait.
I think this could be a winner.Hope no one rips my idea off.
I have been talking 80's nostalgia on the "Daily Rotten" forum today and it has reminded me of some of the truely godawful clothes I once owned.
I was very fond of tight Breton sweaters in those days (I was terribly skinny thanks to the fever(glandular not saturday night) and would combine the sweater with skin tight yellow stretch levis and espadrilles.
Sometimes I would top the ensemble off with a jaunty "Woodie Guthrie" hat or even,dear Lord,a beret for that "gay french onion seller" look.
Other horrifying items were the Afghan coat that stank like a dead goat (which of course it was) when wet.
The embroidered purple "shortie kaftan" which I though would make me look like a member of the Jefferson Airplane but in fact made me look like a escapee from a "world's first pregnant man" convention.
By far the worst though was a pair of blue and white striped jeans.
Now I had seen a photo of Jim Morrison wearing a pair and thought "Hey,if I can wear a pair the girls will think I look like Jim and fall at my feet". Good plan (apart from looking more like Price Charles than the "Lizard King"
So imagine my delight when I saw a pair of stripey jeans in tha shop in my size.Well I could not resist.
The flaw in the plan was that this was 1975 not 1967,fashions had changed and instead of slim fit and cool looking trousers I had bought the most HUMONOUSLY HUGE pair of flairs you have ever seen.
No kidding you could have rigged a schooner out with these babies.I practically took off when I wore them on a windy day and ,sure,the girls noticed me.Unfortunatley the chances of "getting off" with hyisterically laughing chickies was slim,I doubt even Mr Mojo Risin himself could have pulled it off in those keks.
Ah well,we all make mistakes.Nowadays I try to shop with my eyes not my head.
I was very fond of tight Breton sweaters in those days (I was terribly skinny thanks to the fever(glandular not saturday night) and would combine the sweater with skin tight yellow stretch levis and espadrilles.
Sometimes I would top the ensemble off with a jaunty "Woodie Guthrie" hat or even,dear Lord,a beret for that "gay french onion seller" look.
Other horrifying items were the Afghan coat that stank like a dead goat (which of course it was) when wet.
The embroidered purple "shortie kaftan" which I though would make me look like a member of the Jefferson Airplane but in fact made me look like a escapee from a "world's first pregnant man" convention.
By far the worst though was a pair of blue and white striped jeans.
Now I had seen a photo of Jim Morrison wearing a pair and thought "Hey,if I can wear a pair the girls will think I look like Jim and fall at my feet". Good plan (apart from looking more like Price Charles than the "Lizard King"
So imagine my delight when I saw a pair of stripey jeans in tha shop in my size.Well I could not resist.
The flaw in the plan was that this was 1975 not 1967,fashions had changed and instead of slim fit and cool looking trousers I had bought the most HUMONOUSLY HUGE pair of flairs you have ever seen.
No kidding you could have rigged a schooner out with these babies.I practically took off when I wore them on a windy day and ,sure,the girls noticed me.Unfortunatley the chances of "getting off" with hyisterically laughing chickies was slim,I doubt even Mr Mojo Risin himself could have pulled it off in those keks.
Ah well,we all make mistakes.Nowadays I try to shop with my eyes not my head.
Isn't E-bay wonderful.Have recently taken delivery of a Sigmund Freud and a Nietsche beanie baby.
I would never have known such great stuff was available.
Am also building up a stock of Welsh blankets which I hope to sell on.I am a great fan of these coarse yet snuggly warm blankets.
Alas the great Welsh woolen mills are now mostly closed and few are made today.
The colours can be either very subtle or psychedelically groovy (especially on those made in the 70's).
They appeal to me both aesthetically and practically.Lovely for a nice warm nap on a cold day !
Older blankets can be particullarly fine with muted earthy colours from natural dyes and coarse Welsh wool from coarse Welsh sheep.
If I get enought to make it worthwhile I shall get a stall and see how they sell.I am sure the country,shootin and fishin set and the horsey folk would love them.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Nothing unusual happened today ( as normal round here) except,for the second time,a young Polish girl came to the door wanting me to buy pictures because she was "saving money for back home".Yeah right.
Well listen sister I am saving money too by not giving it to you.
Jeeez,I thought they were supposed to be here doing work not touting from door to door (not sure it's entirely legal ?).
Just how Poles are ending up in a backwater like this booggles the mind.We don't even have a reliable bus service.
Maybe I should go to Poland and sell them some stuff.
Tsk.
Well listen sister I am saving money too by not giving it to you.
Jeeez,I thought they were supposed to be here doing work not touting from door to door (not sure it's entirely legal ?).
Just how Poles are ending up in a backwater like this booggles the mind.We don't even have a reliable bus service.
Maybe I should go to Poland and sell them some stuff.
Tsk.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Dragons.Eeeek...
Now,what set me thinking (I know it's a first) was a little tableau in the Arthuhrs amazing maze show place of the Red Weslh dragon fighting the White dragon of the Saxons.
How is it that we English (of Saxon origin) don't celebrate the imagery of the White dragon ?
Much more potent,I think,than the red cross of St.George.
A bit of googling reveals that others think the same and that you can buy White dragon t-shirts.
Hooray I say,about bloody time we Anglish started to celebrate our heritage in the same way as the Welsh and Scots.
George Orwell noted the apparent loathing of English "intelligensia" for their own people way back in the 40's and it seems to be still the same today with the chattering classes of Islington ruling the roost.
Well,I for one,won't forget my roots.I was born English (not just born IN England) and will die English despite the attempts of the government to pretend that we are Europeans.
True English folk NEVER think of themselves as European.We are us and they are them and Frrrpt to anyone who tries to tell me any different.
How is it that we English (of Saxon origin) don't celebrate the imagery of the White dragon ?
Much more potent,I think,than the red cross of St.George.
A bit of googling reveals that others think the same and that you can buy White dragon t-shirts.
Hooray I say,about bloody time we Anglish started to celebrate our heritage in the same way as the Welsh and Scots.
George Orwell noted the apparent loathing of English "intelligensia" for their own people way back in the 40's and it seems to be still the same today with the chattering classes of Islington ruling the roost.
Well,I for one,won't forget my roots.I was born English (not just born IN England) and will die English despite the attempts of the government to pretend that we are Europeans.
True English folk NEVER think of themselves as European.We are us and they are them and Frrrpt to anyone who tries to tell me any different.
Watch out sheep !
After that things rapidly deteriated.
Day 3 was a trip to Shell Island.Wifey had visited as a child in the 60's and had fond memories so we though our daughter (Apricot) would like it.BIG MISTAKE.
The whole place was one huge chav camping site.Chock full of Brummies.
The sany beaches we full of rubbish,broken bottles and,the piece de resistance,used nappies.
I mean for FUCk'S SAKE.Who,in or out of thier right minds,leaves used nappies at the beach.UGH !
I despair of my countrymen (although they could have been left by visiting Poles I suppose).
Then the rains came.
4 days of incessant rain.
Drip,drip,drip.
Plus the wifey developed a "pain in the arse" (leg really but it sounds better) and,as she is the driver,we were stuck,miles from anywhere nothing to do with a hyperactive dog,bored kid and elderly mother.AAARGH.
Add to all this merryness the fact that I had to sleep on the floor in the lounge to keep the dog from howling all night and you can guess that I did not have a grear time.
Screw holidays.I'm staying home next time.
Humbug.
Day 3 was a trip to Shell Island.Wifey had visited as a child in the 60's and had fond memories so we though our daughter (Apricot) would like it.BIG MISTAKE.
The whole place was one huge chav camping site.Chock full of Brummies.
The sany beaches we full of rubbish,broken bottles and,the piece de resistance,used nappies.
I mean for FUCk'S SAKE.Who,in or out of thier right minds,leaves used nappies at the beach.UGH !
I despair of my countrymen (although they could have been left by visiting Poles I suppose).
Then the rains came.
4 days of incessant rain.
Drip,drip,drip.
Plus the wifey developed a "pain in the arse" (leg really but it sounds better) and,as she is the driver,we were stuck,miles from anywhere nothing to do with a hyperactive dog,bored kid and elderly mother.AAARGH.
Add to all this merryness the fact that I had to sleep on the floor in the lounge to keep the dog from howling all night and you can guess that I did not have a grear time.
Screw holidays.I'm staying home next time.
Humbug.
Well,let's get bloggy with it.
This is my first attempt at blogging and,as I am getting on a bit,may ramble.
I have just returned from what was possibly the worst "holiday" I have ever had the misfortune to take.
One week of misery and rain in Mid -Wales (turn left at England).
Where does one start to describe the horrors a sensitive soul like myself must experience in such a place.
The overpriced "attractions",the foul food (SEAWEED !! Do I look Japanese for God's sake),the miserable weather (and people),the chavs (Lonsdales).
Oh misery me.
Things started fairly well,wife,kid,grandma and dog all arrived safely to our rather nice little cottage.
Set among woods in a mountain fringed estuary it look like a fine place for a break.Ha ! of course the Cosmic Jokers had other ideas.
First day was fine,pottered around the beach but my suspicions were roused by the complete lack of Welsh people in the town (which I shall call Boremouth).Every voice I heard was either Brummie or Scouse.
Lonsdale tracksuits were de rigeur creating an air of "Olympic village" circa 1974 on the overcrowded streets.
Things could only get worse and so they did.
Mistake no 1.visiting local "attraction" proudly caling itself something like "King Arthur and his amazing maze".
Reality = old slate mine with a few bizarre and tatty tableau at ramdom points.It was FREEZING down there.
For only £8.00 per person we had the "priviledge" to walk through miles of dark,cold slatey tunnels occasionaly stopping to hear the tale of Arthur (like we hadn't heard it 1000 times before besides which WTF does Arthur have to do with a 19th century slate mine).
The voice over was the strangest part a young welsh girl "Cerys" was reading a book on Arthur and was then interrupted by a disembodied voice who later revealed itself to be the Welsh bard Talliesyn.
Now I don't know about you but if the voice of a long dead Welshman started manifesting itself in my house I think I would freak out a bit.Not so Cerys,she is made of sterner stuff and took it all in her stride.
Perhaps the Welsh are more in tune with the occult than us poor uncultured Saxons.
This is my first attempt at blogging and,as I am getting on a bit,may ramble.
I have just returned from what was possibly the worst "holiday" I have ever had the misfortune to take.
One week of misery and rain in Mid -Wales (turn left at England).
Where does one start to describe the horrors a sensitive soul like myself must experience in such a place.
The overpriced "attractions",the foul food (SEAWEED !! Do I look Japanese for God's sake),the miserable weather (and people),the chavs (Lonsdales).
Oh misery me.
Things started fairly well,wife,kid,grandma and dog all arrived safely to our rather nice little cottage.
Set among woods in a mountain fringed estuary it look like a fine place for a break.Ha ! of course the Cosmic Jokers had other ideas.
First day was fine,pottered around the beach but my suspicions were roused by the complete lack of Welsh people in the town (which I shall call Boremouth).Every voice I heard was either Brummie or Scouse.
Lonsdale tracksuits were de rigeur creating an air of "Olympic village" circa 1974 on the overcrowded streets.
Things could only get worse and so they did.
Mistake no 1.visiting local "attraction" proudly caling itself something like "King Arthur and his amazing maze".
Reality = old slate mine with a few bizarre and tatty tableau at ramdom points.It was FREEZING down there.
For only £8.00 per person we had the "priviledge" to walk through miles of dark,cold slatey tunnels occasionaly stopping to hear the tale of Arthur (like we hadn't heard it 1000 times before besides which WTF does Arthur have to do with a 19th century slate mine).
The voice over was the strangest part a young welsh girl "Cerys" was reading a book on Arthur and was then interrupted by a disembodied voice who later revealed itself to be the Welsh bard Talliesyn.
Now I don't know about you but if the voice of a long dead Welshman started manifesting itself in my house I think I would freak out a bit.Not so Cerys,she is made of sterner stuff and took it all in her stride.
Perhaps the Welsh are more in tune with the occult than us poor uncultured Saxons.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Testing,testing 1.2.3.
