Chronicles of Bannania

Fungi

2006-11-04T10:43:00.000-08:00

A great year for fungi in the forest near here,I have never seen so many.
Fly agaric,Boletus and magnificent displays of the rather cheeky Phallus Impudicus.
Funny things fungi,last year there were hardly any,this year they have gone mad.
I don't know much about the different types so don't pick any of them (we definitely have both Death and Panther caps in the woods,both deadly poisonous).

Lionheart

2006-10-28T06:58:00.001-07:00

Well,second vistit of the year to a "famous English Safari park" over and done with (had to go back to finish tickets,too busy last time).
What a scruffy and unprepossesing lot we Brits are.The parade of cheap ,ill fitting clothes and fat kids was quite something to see (better than the safari park really).
Worst of all was the boat ride round the lake (with seals,hippos (2) and gorillas).Thing was the adults hogged the side of the boat so the kids (and any dwarves on board) could hardly see.
When I was little the grown ups would often make way for the children to see,not nowdays,the "grown ups" behaved worse than the kids.Seeing a fat Essex tart squealing "ooh look a seal" while her little girl could only view her enormous bum (about the same size as a hippos but not as interesting) was quite upsetting.What happened to the old British sense of fairplay ?
Stomped out of us by selfishness and exposure to "foreign" ways I suppose.
I shall continue to instill in my daughhter a sense of fair play and politeness but I think I'm fighting a losing battle.

S.P.Q.R.

2006-10-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well,brother and his partner have taken mum (age 76) to Rome.
Jolly good luck to them,she has only ever been abroad once (day trip to France) and never flown !
Still they got there O.K. (e-mail) but mum managed to fall asleep mid-sentence due to tiredness and lack of food !
Can't say I envy them,I love Rome but it is a stressful place if you don't know the ropes.Crazy traffic,"gypsy "thieves,rude waiters,hills,uneven pavenments and,well,general Felliniesque madness.
She wants to see the sights,can't say I blame her,everyone should try to go and marvel.
It really knocks spots of Paris or Madrid for things to see (history wise) and IMHO the food and clothes are better than in France (and cheaper).
Maybe I should take mum next year,it would be my 6th time.

Tomorrow belongs to ?

2006-10-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

Intersting movement towards an English parliament (at last) in that a pressure group has managed to meet with M.P's.
It is blatantly unfair that the Welsh,Scots and Irish can have independant assemblies and yet the English (still the majority in this country) are denied.Palmed off with EU backed "Regional assemblies".
The EU seems to want England to disappear becoming instead a selection of "Regions".The government even refers to the "Nations and Regions of Britain" with Endland being "the regions".
Well it's NOT good enough and I think we are seeing the worms turn.
The English are becoming a repressed majority ! and a lot of us don't like it.
A lot of people of my age do not regard Britain as part of Europe,we have always been somewhat seperate (the water helps).It sticks in the craw to have laws made in Brussels that contradict the established laws of England.
Interesting time ahead I think.
Could get messy.

Fight for you right to..

2006-10-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

Parteeey,phew,this years kid's party over and done with.
11 10 year olds in one house is NOT a good plan.All went reasonably well (planning,dear boy,planning) except the pinata.Jeeeezz did they get over excited (Coke + sugary foods probably didn't help).One kid got a whack in the face with the pinata stick (head didn't split open,rats).
The sight of them all fighting over a few shitty cheap sweets was truely unedifying.
Still daughter was happy and that's what it was all about really.
Next year I'm going to Iceland for her birthday.

Winge

2006-10-19T03:22:00.000-07:00

Well finally got the "special" metal tabs for my woodburner,cheap little metal things I could have got for 50p in any hardware store.£17 the charged me,daylight robbery.
Managed to put the "glass" (actually a ceramic) in and a tiny sliver pinged off for no apparent reason ! I am going to be well pissed if it cracks again at £55 a pop.
Shit like this doesn't do my blood pressure any good.Still it's done now.
Other calamaties this morning include a broken light fitting and top of the pile,my dear lady wife has left the freezer door ajar FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A WEEK ! AAAARCGH,luckily I caught it in time this time,had to throw all of the food out at the weekend though.Must have been £100 worth of stuff wasted.
And now she does it again,what can I do,short of tattooing "CLOSE THE RUDDY DOOR" across her forehead I don't seem to be able to get the message across.
And that,gentle reader,is why I stay home and do the housewifey stuff and she goes out to work.
Were it the other way round we would live like pigs in a house with no food.
Bah.

You couldn't make it up !

2006-10-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Seems the recent council elections in Belgium have thrown up some "interesting" things.
There is a party there "Vlaams Belang" that is staunchly anti-immigrant and in favour of Flemish devolution.
In order to keep them out the socialist have not only given thousand s of immigrants voting rights but have chosen candidates from "ethinic minorities" where they think this will help win votes.
One of the candidates for the Christian Democrats in Antwerp was a Turkish immigrant.Turns out he belongs to the "White wolves" in Turkey.These folks are the same ones that tried to of f the Pope a few years back and are most definitely NOT democratically minded.
So,in order to win votes,the "Christian democrats" have chosen a "Muslim Fascist" as a candidate.
Way to go chaps.Shows they will do ANYTHING to keep in power.
Expect to see more of this sort of thing in Europe as the Left court the immigrant vote.
I reckon it will bite them on the arse before too long.

Two for the price of one.

2006-10-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

So many little irritating things in my life at the moment.Spent most of Saturday struggling with the door of my woodburner (cracked glass) as usual with such things a "simple" job turns out to be an expensive nightmare.The replacement glass cost me £55 and the tiny metal clips to hold it in place another £17 ! (WTF FOR ?) and,of course,each screw was determined to stay where it was.Took me hours and I still had to leave one in !
Then I have to organise a party for my daughter's birthday on Friday,got to get games sorted,food,presents etc.
All this while wheezing from a chest infection and being unable to sleep more than 4 hrs a night.
Now my brother wants to come stay for a couple of day (nice really but extra work for moi).
Add to that the fact it's autumn and the garden is knee deep in leaves and windfall apples (shitty tasting too) and plums.
I don't handle pressure well these days,I know it's all petty stuff and I shouldn't whinge,but I feel like crawling into a fetal position and wimpering in a corner.

Apple blossom time

2006-10-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well I am pleased to say I was wrong about my favourite orchard having closed.Hooray.
I can now get my Red Pippins,Egremont Russets and Asmeads Kernels again.
This is soooo great,these apples taste nothing like the ones you buy in supermarkets they are,quite frankly,delicious.Full of flavour and interest.
This area is famous for it's orchards but many have been closed in recent years (not profitable I guess).
It is a great loss English apples are a national treasure,try some if you can there are hundreds of varieties.
Don't put up with the tasteless crap sold by the supermarkets,they are grown for looks not taste.
I shall be stuffing as many down my gullet as possible while the season lasts.

All things bright and beautiful

2006-10-05T04:04:00.000-07:00

Sweet little harvest festival service by my daughter's school this morning,there's only just over 100 kids so it was held in the local chapel,all very nice.
Except for one damn woman with her bratty kids in the audience.Bloody kid kept shouting "Helloooo" every 2 seconds like some retarded tape recording.The "mother" did absolutely nothing to try to shut the kid up.Spoilt the whole thing for everyone.
Now I knowJesus loves the little children and all but I think even he would have a few words to say to this specimen.
No respect for the church,the rights of others and the children struggling to be heard over his squalling.
Oh.for the days when a quick whop round the ear would have sorted him out.
Bloody heathens.

Store wars

2006-10-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

I have been using the same online grocery service for 3 years.
Now they have decided to "improve" the site by adding another security page
.Meaning yet another password to remember.
Great I now have about 50000 different passwords for different sites (I may be paranoid but I don't like using the same one,just in case not everyone who can access it is 101% honest).
I am getting on in years now,trying to remember all this is a pain in the butt,so I write them down,great security huh ?
Ah well,another petty annoyance today is that both American rice and Cooking apples are "unavailable" !
Cooking apples unavailable in October WTF !
They'll be short of turkey at Christmas next.

Russia with love

2006-09-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about the Russians we encountered in Turkey.
I was "lucky" enough to visit Trabzon both before and immediately after the changes in Eastern Europe.
Thing was first time they had a Russian market,which sold the most appaling crap.Broken dolls,nasty Russian ciggies and cheap vodka + really ghastly stained clothes that any self respecting tramp would sniff at.
Second time,after the change,the market was full and I mean full of the most amazing stuff,mainly military.Guns,rubber assault craft,rocket launchers.Incredible.I am sure they would have got you a tank if you'd asked.
Not long after,guns became more common in this country.Hmmm.
Wonder where they came from.
The break up of Russia might have been good for them but I don't think it was quite so good for the rest of us.

People are strange

2006-09-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

My thoughts have been turning to some of the strange people I have encountered over the years.
Not the "abnormal" ones but those who function apparentley well in everyday life.
Like the woman who used to come to the plant department when I worked at the Army and Navy stores in London.She was quite young,Eastern European sounding and ALWAYS dressed in black including a furry hat EVEN IN SUMMER.She would always ask the name of the person serving her and would say
"Zo,Jenny,I vany a YUKKA".
Always a yucca,never anything else,she must have ordered dozens of the things.Odd.
Then there was an old friend whose ex-wife is now married to another friend.
He would count the peas and potatoes on his dinner plate and refuse to eat it unless there were even numbers.
Nor would he leave the house with an odd number of coins in his pocket.
Strange,drove his "wife" mad.
Can you imagine having to count peas every time you served dinner !

Little Green ones

2006-09-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Boy am I upset,our local supplier of good English apples has closed down.
No one else had such a good selection,where am I to get my Ashmead's Kernel or Kidd's orange now ?
The crap they sell in supermarkets hardly deserve the name apple.
We would get through 5 or 6 lbs a week and now NOTHING.
I need to hunt down another grower.
Bet they don't have the really interesting stuff though.Last year we had a few Court Plat Pendu an apple that is alleged to date back to Roman times and several other really old varieties.
They knock (black) spots o ff the likes of Spartan and Golden delicious (a traversty of a name if ever there was one).
A sad day indeed.

Odd.

2006-09-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Now here's a strange thing.
Took delivery of a CD I ordered from America via Amazon.Nothing strange there,it's a lot cheaper £4.99 instead of £9.99
Thing is on looking at the CD I see it is "Made in UK" !
So,it's been halfway round the world,turned around and come back home and yet still costs less than if I placed the order here !
Now I know about econmies of scale and such but it don't make sense to me.

Tuesday,nothing.

2006-09-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to talk about really,spent much of the morning trying to sort out our "problem floor".
Long story but basically we are waiting for wood flooring to be laid on concrete.
Had to have a new concrete floor as old wood floor had been built straight onto the earth !
An unusual building technique that meant it was riddled with damp.
We are hopefully nearing the stage where it can be relaid,it's taken nearly a year to dry out.
Sometimes having an old house is a pain.
200 years of accumulated problems.Still wouldn't change it.I am very fond of the old place.

The Fall

2006-09-18T02:59:00.000-07:00

Looks like autumn is almost here in the "hill country" the leaves are slightly turning and there are lots of mushrooms (No not that kind) in the woods.
Time to get busy round the old homestead getting ready for winter (damp and grey as usual I bet).
Spent much of yesterday re-roofing the shed and have many other annoying little "handyman" tasks to do.
WHICH I HATE.I am really a G.S.E (get someone else) person rather than D.I.Y.but lack or ready funds means I must try and do stuff.
Will the house stand up to the gales this year ?
The jury is out on this one.

Badinage

2006-09-16T05:04:00.000-07:00

Just been watching,via youtube,an old clip of one of my favourite (at the time) bands X-ray Spex doing there "anthem" Oh Bondage Up Yours.
Well,at about the 2,.20 mark there is the head of a guy (back view) that could and I say COULD be my old mate Dave.If so then I am there too as we went to many "gigs" togther back in the day.
How exciting,I may possibly have almost featured in an obscure punk rock video.
I am famous at last.
I was also pushed in the back once by Sid Viscious (at the Marquee,I seem to remember Nico on the bill) but have not photographic evidence for the incident.
Brushes with fame give one quite the "frisson".

Food shortages.

2006-09-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a "major online supermarket" I am practically out of food.
What happened was that I had a call on the morning I was supposed to get delivery to say "the server had gone down,my order was lost,you will not be charged,fuck off".
I was told I need to resubmit an order,of course all delivery slots were pre-booked until Friday.Great.
I decided to ring "customer services" the conversation went in this fashion

"Hello,customer services in what way can I tell you to fuck off ?"
"You lost my order you fuckwits,are you going to put it right,I have been a customer for 3 years spending thousands of pounds at your store ?"
"Deary me,how sad,however you mistake me for someone that actually cares.I am in fact paid a miserly wage and am waiting to go to lunch.I will make a "log" on your complaint,file it in ignore and tell you to fuck off,thank you for calling"

Now,I know mistakes happen and it's not anyones fault that the computer threw and wobbly but what really pissed me off is there seems to be no method of insuring those customers let down have a priority in the next batch of deliveries.It is everyman for himself
Fine if we were talking shoes or dvd's but FOOD.
I have one piece of fresh fruit left.My only option is to use the local "Quickymart" where everything costs 3 times as much and the fruit was picked sometime in 1987.
Thanks guys.

9/11

2006-09-12T01:55:00.000-07:00

Made the mistake yesterday of watchig a video of the "jumpers" from the World Trade Center.
I still feel very sad and angry watching these poor people having to choose "the best" way to die.
Thing is ,I notice in myself,that I feel a conection with them,they were like me and my family,ordinary workers going about their daily business and fatally interupted by something they had no influence on.
I feel for them.
I also watched a video of a Lebanese child,killed in the recent conflict,having his poor little body manipulated by a Lebanese "official" so that the video "looked" more dramatic.
Thing is I didn't feel the same connection,more a "war is bad,poor kid but that's the way it goes in war" sort of feeling.
Does this make me a bad person.
I guess I am beginning to see it as an "us and them" situation.
I fear that "battle lines" are being drawn around the world.
Doesn't look good to me.

Turkey trots.

2006-09-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

Another rememberance of Turkey is the violent bouts of diahorrea I suffered there.
Curioulsy both in the town of Erzerum.
First time round all I ever saw of Erzerum was a hotel washbasin and toilet.I literally didn't know which end to point at which bowl."Luckily" I could sit on the loo with my head in the basin.Thereby killing two birds with one stone.
Never have I suffered such uncontrollable shits,I thought I would poop my spleen out.I heard tale of cases so violent that people were wrapped in plastic for the coach journey to the next destination.EEWW.
Anyway,second trip I decided to be ultra careful.No food,no drink from dirty cans,no local water.
Good idea.Nope,forgot one tiny detail ICE CUBES,made from local water and.of course,choc full of the poopy bugs.Same result AGAIN ! (same Hotel too !)
Luckily I was smart enough to go and see some of the sights as soon as we arrived.Got collared by a carpet seller,our tour guide panicked because we were so long and was just on the verge of calling the cops.
(2 tourists had been kidnapped by the PKK close by very recently).
Lesson learnt there,ice cubes are made from water.
Won't get caught by that again.

One for the "laydeez"

2006-09-10T04:53:00.000-07:00

Here's another blurry photo from Turkey.
It's ME,having a fag on the sacred stone of the Hittites at Hattusas.
Sorry Hittite thunder god dude,won't do it again.

Hooray,hooary it's a holi-holiday.

2006-09-10T04:31:00.000-07:00

Chatting online to someone yesterday reminded me of the trips we took several years ago to Turkey.
I hesitate to call them holidays because we covered a lot of ground.It was quite hard going at times but worth every minute.
We were lucky enough to get to Eastern Turkey which,at this time,was periodically on "lock down" due to the then Gulf war and the internal troubles with the Kurdish seperatists (PKK).
We managed to hit a "window of opportunity" which allowed us to visit places like Van (yuk),Ani (the ancient Armenian capital) and Erzerum (DON'T ASK,2 visits 2 cases of the worst "screaming shits" ever).

Anyway one of the highlights for me was the Churches (now ruined of course) of Armenian and ,especially ,Georgian origin.

See pictures (a bit blurry I fear,I am a bit computer illiterate !)

Another "highlight" was our stay at the town of Sarakamus (spelling ?) in the most BIZARRE hotel ever.

The place was a "hunting" lodge popular with the Russian and was FULL and I mean FULL of stuffed dead animals.A bear holding souvenir handbags stood in the hall and the dining room was an extravaganza.

Having dinner watched by the glassy eyes of a dead mother wolf complete with baby wolf balanced on her back was definitley a new experience.

Then there was to rooms,dirty,sure but decorated in a unique "style" some had balloons we had huge christmas decoration foil stars and an enourmous poster of the Swiss Alps (took up the whole wall)

What a place,add to that the "town" (Mudville) and the simply ENORMOUS vegetables (cabages the size of a small house) in the shops and it was fascinating.

Four cough.

2006-09-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

Well,I've had a kind invitation to ""earn a little on the side" wink".
Now let me see,shall I click on that link or not.
On reflection I think not,on account of not being totally stupid and all.
If I want to earn money I'll work for it (or scrounge off the wife).

Interesting times

2006-09-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

"Interesting" news from Belgium,17 people (mainly soldiers) have been arrested for alledgedly plotting to "undermine the countries institutions" by "terror" attacks.The are accused of being "extereme right wingers".
What is interesting is the reporting of the incident by the BBC which includes accusations that the Vlaams Belang party is an "extreme right anti-immigrant party (so !) and mentions that Belgium has suffered a number of race-related crimes.Reading the article you would assume this means evil righ wingers attacking poor innocent "immigrant" folk.
Well,anyone who follows what is happening on our raidly dying continent will know that the opposite is in fact true.The race related violence is almost all one way trafffic (clue it is not the white Belgians doing it).
Funny reporting,nothing to do with forthcoming Belgian elections I'll bet.

Problem solved (we hope)

2006-09-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

Phew,looks like mother has finally found someone to sign her passport form.
A big part of the problem is that English folk,especially of her age group,WILL NOT ask for help from "strangers".I don't know if it's pride or just good old British reticence but we don't like appearing in need of assistance.I am the same,I guess it's part of our "culture" and what makes us English.
We would rather spend hours wandering aimlessly around than ask someone for directions for example.
A good way to spot a true Brit is to ask how they are. 99% of native Brits will answer "Not too bad" or "Musn't grumble" or similar,even when the truth is that they have contracted leprosy and their leg is about to drop off.
My favourite example of "Britishness" is from the Battle of Waterloo where one of Wellington's companions had his leg taken clean off by a cannon ball.The exchange was
"By God,sir I think I have lost my leg " to which Wellington replied "By God,sir and so you have".
I witnessed a fine example when I used to work in a major London department store in the days when the IRA were bombing London from time to time.
The "secret" signal telling us to search for bombs came through
"Mr Wilkins is in the store" (or something).
A customer of middle-eastern appearance saw us looking and asked in halting English what we were doing.
Unfortunately one of the numbnuts I worked with said
"Checking for bombs"
Well,this woman shot across the store and ran up the down escalator (well worth seeing) shouting
"Isa bomba,isa bomba ".
What struck me was the look of utter contempt on the faces of the British shoppers as they calmly made their way to the exit.
No class foreigners.

SPQRK

2006-09-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

Well,turns out the destination for mum's trip is Rome.
Hmm,not the first choice for an elderly,not too steady on her feet lady in my book for 3 main reasons.
1.Hills,7 of them (count them).not as steep as in Istanbul but still tiring.Add to that old,uneven pavenements and the detritus of 2000 years and you have to watch your footing.

2.Traffic,maniacs basically.Pedestrian crossings are used mainly to help drivers aim at the pedestrians.Take my advice,plan your route to include as few crossings as possible or look for groups of nuns crossing the road and stick to them like glue. (used to work,may not apply to muslims).

3.The charming and colourful "gypsy" thieves.Appartentley they STILL operate (I haven't been to Rome for about 15 years) at all major tourist sights.They hunt in packs and can be as young as 4 or 5.They are after your money,camera.bag whatever and will do ANYTHING to get them.I have seen a young kid literaly hanging off a Japanese guys rucksack legs a swinging (while 2 Italian cops chatted on the opposite side of the road,do not expect help).
I hear the latest tricks are dressing nice so you don't spot them and "baby tossing" a young girl throws a "baby" at you and in the confusion an accomplice helps himself to your wallet.The baby is of course a doll (though some suggest it will soon be real babies as these are cheaper and can be stolen as well).

Don't get me wrong,I love Rome to bits but you need to be aware.
Not for nothing do other Italians say that the famous S.P.Q.R. seen every where in Rome stands for "Sono porci questi Romani" or "they are pigs these Romans"
Caveat visitor.

Raffle of the Beast.

2006-09-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

A teensy but annoyed today.
My old mum needs to get a passport for her first ever trip abroad.So she obtains the forms and fills in her details.Then comes the part where she needs a countersignature from a "respectable" member of the community drawn from a long and bizarre list (chiropodist !,travel agent !) .Has to be someone who has known her 2 years or more.
Now my mum doesn't move in exalted circles,she doesn't know judges,councillors and the like so turns to the usual suspect,her doctor.
Good idea,except that in todays European England her doctor is,of course,Swedish and cannont sign,likewise her dentist is French.Her solicitor and all others on the list are either retired or dead.
So she rings me to ask my oldest friend if he can sign for her as he is a police officer,no problem he says.
Then we notice that the Home office has introduced a "new rule" the countersignatory must give a passport number.Well ha ha friend does not have passport.
Mother is now stuffed (and quite upset).
So there you have it folks,someone born in this country of native English stock (no immigrants here bud).Widow of a man who served and was wounded in WWII cannot get a passport because some halfwit beuarocrat has thought up some great security plan.
Meanwhile half a million illegal aliens frolic unmolested across the land.
Thanks England,appreciate it.
(Title of post is due to drawing ticket 666 at the rugby club raffle,we won a hairy locust).

The name game.

2006-09-04T02:50:00.000-07:00

I turn my feeble intellect to product naming today.
Why do companies decide to change the names of familiar products.
Until a few years ago a popular household cleaner was called Jif,a perfectly sensible name (it will be done in a jiffy),now it is called Cif !
Why,what does the change of letter do to improve the product or sales ?
My guess is that it is to help sales in the Italian market where the letter "J" is banned.
Ironically if this product is sold in Turkey folks will still call it Jif as the C roughly equals a J there.
Another example is what used to be called Oil of Ulay now being Oil of Olay.I mean WTF.
Maybe it benefits Spanish ladies to be able to ask for Ole (sorry can't do the accent thingy).
Baffling.

A different angle.

2006-09-01T03:06:00.000-07:00

It occured to me today that the reason kids in English schools are not taught about Alfred the Great,Hereward and other Anglo-Saxons from history is their less than welcoming attitude to migrant workers.(Such as the Vikings).
Perhaps the time has come to rewrite these stories for a modern audience.
Maybe Alfred could burn the cakes due to being distracted by a colourful display of Norwegian dancing.
Perhaps Harold could be seen welcoming the Normans but then accidentaly shooting him self in the eye by holding the bow backwards.
Perhaps Hereward could be black and a muslim.
Then the stories might be heard again by people descended from these ancient heroes.

Puzzled of Tunbridge Wells

2006-08-31T06:17:00.000-07:00

What is up with Amazon.When you log on you get their "recomendations" O.K.fine.
So i log on today and apparentley I can't wait to watch "King Kong" and listen to Frank Zappa and the Wurzels while reading the Da Vinci code.
Wrong ! In fact could they be MORE wrong.
THE WURZELS for f*****s sake I knowI livein the boondocks but funnily enough we don't all wear smocks and straw hats and burn people in big wicker basckets (heh heh).
Well not ALL the time,and we certainly DON'T all listen to the Wurzels.
Sheesh.

Petty annoyances

2006-08-30T04:02:00.000-07:00

Sigh.Why do "they" insist on fiddling with websites that are functioning perfectly well ?
My online grocery store has "improved" their site and guess what ?
It doesn't work properly.
Lots of pretty pictures and animations but it DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY.So I,the customer,have to spend twice as long placing my order as usual.
Do they employ specially trained idiots to look at the site and say "Hmm,seems to be working O.K.better fix THAT".
Why can't they just leave well alone.It worked,now it doesn't.
I don't call that "improved"
Bah.

Angst

2006-08-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when I want to BUY something.Having saved my pennies since Christmas I have a little spare cash.
Trouble is I feel so guilty as Mrs Takora is the breadwinner.
How can I justify buying ,say,a new guitar for hundreds of pounds when she works so hard.
Best suggestion I ever read was buy them in the same colour.Most gals won't notice how many you have.
Well I screwed up there.My guitars are all different from the pink paisley tele to the silver gretsch.
I suppose I should be grateful for what I have.
Plus I recently won a new delay pedal from guitar magazine so it's not like I don't have a new toy to play with.
Perhaps I should save my money for a rainy day.
Sigh.

Bath time

2006-08-28T03:57:00.000-07:00

Stopped on the way back from mum's to visit one of "England's premier tourist attractions" a "Safari park" cum statley home place.
Now I am not fond of these type of places at the best of times but,MY GOD,was it busy (should have known better at bank holliday time).Couldn't even get into the Safari park bit (though to their credit the ticket is valid till November) so had to mooch around the tatty stalls and overpriced eateries with thousands of "the great unwashed".
One of the new "attractions" was a bat centred mine type things with free range Egyptian fruit bats.Queques weren't too bad so I too Apricot to this one.WELL,I can tell you mister aristocratic theme park owner,that 1 tarantula,half a dozen cockroaches and a few fruit bats does NOT make an "ATTRACTion" at best it was a DIVERSion.
We do this sort of thing so badly here.Cheap and nasty attractions,grumpy unsmiling staff and THE COST.My word over £50 for 2 adults and 1 child.
Tatty,cheap,smelly and overpriced.
Welcome to Britain folks,leave your wallets at the gate and come on in.

This side of the poo

2006-08-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

Been on my travels again (taking Ma back home).One of the "benefits" of staying at mum's is that I have to sleep downsairs on a sofa-bed so that the dog (L'il pup,a Jack Russell terrorist) doesn't howl all night.
Well this time,for a special treat,pup decided to do a poop right outside the door.This meant that when I woke up for a pee at 4 a.m. I had the pleasure of treading in cold dog poo in bare feet.
So I am there,in the dark,hopping on one foot wondering what to do when,SPLOT,Yup,another pile.In goes the other foot.Now both feet are besmirched so I do the "heel walk" to the kitchen for some paper towels.Well my mum is notoriously stingy,for example when offered "a biscuit" with you tea that is EXACTLY what you will get,1 biscuit and no more.
Anyway, there was only about 3 sheets of paper on the roll,just enough to scrape the worst off.Then I have to balance one foot over the sink and rinse doggy pop off my feet with my bare hands.UGH.
All at 4 a.m.
No wonder I hate to travel.

2006-08-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should call this blog "Chronicles of Bannalia" but anyway.
To keep little Apricot busy today we deicded to visit Gloucester cathedral as it's not too far away.
Well,what a fantastic building,dating from 1080 and containing the tomd of Edward II as well as many other interesting and ancient things.
What was really cool is that there are several "Green Man" carvings .Funny to see what was probably a Pagan symbol carved so blatantly in a church.I wonder if the masons were having a bit of fun there.
Also there is a magnificent stained glass window dating from the 14th century.One panel apprear to show a little dude playing GOLF.The earliest depiction of the game.Although apparentley it is more likely to be "Bandy ball" which was like a violent hockey/golf hybrid.
We should bring violence back to golf tournaments I think.A quick whack with a 9 Iron would liven things up considerably.

The cathedrals of England are one of our great treasures.Makes me proud of my ancestors.

Mamma Mia

2006-08-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

I see today is the anniversary of the destruction of Pompeii.
I have been there a couple of times (no,not when it was still thriving,I am not THAT old).
The first time gave me the experience of the WORST meal I ever ate.This was in about 1980 and the little resturant there was suspiciously empty when me and my pal went in but we were desperatley hungry so ordered,in our very basic Italian the meal of the day.
What we got was indescribable,stringy (diog?) meat,stewed to death pasta and worst of all a side portion of GRASS.I kid you not,I have never seen not eaten anything more grass like in my life (yes,I ate it.I was THAT hungry).
I swear the waiters were laughing as we tucked in .
Later on we visited the brothels and saw a little puppy in a ancient street drain.So the trip wasn't entirely wasted.

More Tragic Clothes Tales

2006-08-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

The only person to top my trousers was my best friend.
While at collge (this was around 1975) he purchased a pair of snowboots (God knows why ,it hardly ever snows in our part of the world).Now these suckers were ENORMOUS,he had farly bit feet anyway but add these on and he looked like he was standing in two buckets.

As if that wasn't bad enough for some weird reason he decided to cover them in white fake fur ! Thereby making them twice as big again.

Cars would literaly stop in the street as the drivers were unable to drive for laughter when they saw him walking down the street in them.People would point and stare,kids would scream and on at least 2 occasions guys walked into lamposts as they turned their heads to marvel at "Bigfoot of Suburbia"
Happy days.
If you ever read reports of Sasquatch in Surrey from the 1970's you know who to blame.

2006-08-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

Another "string to my bow" is developing my new comic book as per this idea I spawned on "Rotten"....

Just time to let all my adoring fans know I am working seriously hardly on my comic action book "The Fruit League of America" So far the characters are
1.El Limone (Saving the world with ZEST)
2.K-57 (Equipped with utility floppity hat and levitational "mules"
3.Lady Melons (self expanatory really,Hey I'm an old guy,got to have some "eye candy")
4.Tommy Toe (Fruit or veg,you decide ?)
5.Zucchine (often overlooked but laser powers asthonish) Now it is difficult for me,as a limey (HEY)
6.The Limey (Tart yet firm,a real fruits fruit) Where was I, Oh yeah, as a limey to understand American style comics,we in England have something called "A BOOK" is like a comic but with less pictures and more words. I bet you all can't wait.

I think this could be a winner.Hope no one rips my idea off.

2006-08-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have been talking 80's nostalgia on the "Daily Rotten" forum today and it has reminded me of some of the truely godawful clothes I once owned.

I was very fond of tight Breton sweaters in those days (I was terribly skinny thanks to the fever(glandular not saturday night) and would combine the sweater with skin tight yellow stretch levis and espadrilles.

Sometimes I would top the ensemble off with a jaunty "Woodie Guthrie" hat or even,dear Lord,a beret for that "gay french onion seller" look.

Other horrifying items were the Afghan coat that stank like a dead goat (which of course it was) when wet.
The embroidered purple "shortie kaftan" which I though would make me look like a member of the Jefferson Airplane but in fact made me look like a escapee from a "world's first pregnant man" convention.

By far the worst though was a pair of blue and white striped jeans.
Now I had seen a photo of Jim Morrison wearing a pair and thought "Hey,if I can wear a pair the girls will think I look like Jim and fall at my feet". Good plan (apart from looking more like Price Charles than the "Lizard King"

So imagine my delight when I saw a pair of stripey jeans in tha shop in my size.Well I could not resist.
The flaw in the plan was that this was 1975 not 1967,fashions had changed and instead of slim fit and cool looking trousers I had bought the most HUMONOUSLY HUGE pair of flairs you have ever seen.

No kidding you could have rigged a schooner out with these babies.I practically took off when I wore them on a windy day and ,sure,the girls noticed me.Unfortunatley the chances of "getting off" with hyisterically laughing chickies was slim,I doubt even Mr Mojo Risin himself could have pulled it off in those keks.

Ah well,we all make mistakes.Nowadays I try to shop with my eyes not my head.

2006-08-23T02:18:00.000-07:00

Isn't E-bay wonderful.Have recently taken delivery of a Sigmund Freud and a Nietsche beanie baby.
I would never have known such great stuff was available.
Am also building up a stock of Welsh blankets which I hope to sell on.I am a great fan of these coarse yet snuggly warm blankets.
Alas the great Welsh woolen mills are now mostly closed and few are made today.
The colours can be either very subtle or psychedelically groovy (especially on those made in the 70's).
They appeal to me both aesthetically and practically.Lovely for a nice warm nap on a cold day !
Older blankets can be particullarly fine with muted earthy colours from natural dyes and coarse Welsh wool from coarse Welsh sheep.
If I get enought to make it worthwhile I shall get a stall and see how they sell.I am sure the country,shootin and fishin set and the horsey folk would love them.

2006-08-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

Nothing unusual happened today ( as normal round here) except,for the second time,a young Polish girl came to the door wanting me to buy pictures because she was "saving money for back home".Yeah right.
Well listen sister I am saving money too by not giving it to you.
Jeeez,I thought they were supposed to be here doing work not touting from door to door (not sure it's entirely legal ?).
Just how Poles are ending up in a backwater like this booggles the mind.We don't even have a reliable bus service.
Maybe I should go to Poland and sell them some stuff.
Tsk.

Dragons.Eeeek...

2006-08-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Now,what set me thinking (I know it's a first) was a little tableau in the Arthuhrs amazing maze show place of the Red Weslh dragon fighting the White dragon of the Saxons.
How is it that we English (of Saxon origin) don't celebrate the imagery of the White dragon ?
Much more potent,I think,than the red cross of St.George.
A bit of googling reveals that others think the same and that you can buy White dragon t-shirts.

Hooray I say,about bloody time we Anglish started to celebrate our heritage in the same way as the Welsh and Scots.

George Orwell noted the apparent loathing of English "intelligensia" for their own people way back in the 40's and it seems to be still the same today with the chattering classes of Islington ruling the roost.

Well,I for one,won't forget my roots.I was born English (not just born IN England) and will die English despite the attempts of the government to pretend that we are Europeans.

True English folk NEVER think of themselves as European.We are us and they are them and Frrrpt to anyone who tries to tell me any different.

Watch out sheep !

2006-08-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

After that things rapidly deteriated.
Day 3 was a trip to Shell Island.Wifey had visited as a child in the 60's and had fond memories so we though our daughter (Apricot) would like it.BIG MISTAKE.
The whole place was one huge chav camping site.Chock full of Brummies.
The sany beaches we full of rubbish,broken bottles and,the piece de resistance,used nappies.
I mean for FUCk'S SAKE.Who,in or out of thier right minds,leaves used nappies at the beach.UGH !
I despair of my countrymen (although they could have been left by visiting Poles I suppose).
Then the rains came.
4 days of incessant rain.
Drip,drip,drip.
Plus the wifey developed a "pain in the arse" (leg really but it sounds better) and,as she is the driver,we were stuck,miles from anywhere nothing to do with a hyperactive dog,bored kid and elderly mother.AAARGH.
Add to all this merryness the fact that I had to sleep on the floor in the lounge to keep the dog from howling all night and you can guess that I did not have a grear time.
Screw holidays.I'm staying home next time.
Humbug.

2006-08-21T03:41:00.000-07:00

Well,let's get bloggy with it.
This is my first attempt at blogging and,as I am getting on a bit,may ramble.
I have just returned from what was possibly the worst "holiday" I have ever had the misfortune to take.
One week of misery and rain in Mid -Wales (turn left at England).
Where does one start to describe the horrors a sensitive soul like myself must experience in such a place.
The overpriced "attractions",the foul food (SEAWEED !! Do I look Japanese for God's sake),the miserable weather (and people),the chavs (Lonsdales).
Oh misery me.

Things started fairly well,wife,kid,grandma and dog all arrived safely to our rather nice little cottage.
Set among woods in a mountain fringed estuary it look like a fine place for a break.Ha ! of course the Cosmic Jokers had other ideas.

First day was fine,pottered around the beach but my suspicions were roused by the complete lack of Welsh people in the town (which I shall call Boremouth).Every voice I heard was either Brummie or Scouse.
Lonsdale tracksuits were de rigeur creating an air of "Olympic village" circa 1974 on the overcrowded streets.
Things could only get worse and so they did.

Mistake no 1.visiting local "attraction" proudly caling itself something like "King Arthur and his amazing maze".
Reality = old slate mine with a few bizarre and tatty tableau at ramdom points.It was FREEZING down there.
For only £8.00 per person we had the "priviledge" to walk through miles of dark,cold slatey tunnels occasionaly stopping to hear the tale of Arthur (like we hadn't heard it 1000 times before besides which WTF does Arthur have to do with a 19th century slate mine).

The voice over was the strangest part a young welsh girl "Cerys" was reading a book on Arthur and was then interrupted by a disembodied voice who later revealed itself to be the Welsh bard Talliesyn.
Now I don't know about you but if the voice of a long dead Welshman started manifesting itself in my house I think I would freak out a bit.Not so Cerys,she is made of sterner stuff and took it all in her stride.
Perhaps the Welsh are more in tune with the occult than us poor uncultured Saxons.

2006-08-20T03:47:00.000-07:00

Testing,testing 1.2.3.